The no longer Steinbeck kind of black and white of my life

The black and white of my life
it's all blurred
no longer shows its distinguished 'color'
no longer the Steinbeck kind of black and white
leaving me with unspeakable mind of the confused


*if i choose Steinbeck, than maybe i will long be dead just like him. i miss my black and white life!*

The end of lone journey?

do i feel like my lone journey will end?
when night is filled with stars
and the morning is cooled with the dew

i feel like the journey is just a bit merry
with your footprints all over behind me
but then i seem to see no one around me

and when the night filled with stars
and the morning cooled with the dew
should i feel that my lone journey will end

or is it just another shadowed trip
to where loneness
is but the happiest merry on earth ever be?

*i fear of this accompaniment, when loneness has been my best friend. i seek for the conscience in me, it replies none. it seems to enjoy no more of the loneness. does it?*

The More We Live - Let Go

The More We Live - Let Go

You and I can change the world;
The more we live, the more we learn, the more we know.
From this moment on we share the world;
The more we give, the more we love, the more we grow.
The spirit of imagination can lead us through the dark;
The more we see, the more we try, the more we show.
The evidence of our confusion, life has left its mark;
The more we fear, the more we lie, the more we hide.

As we walk into tomorrow (Turning away from the path we know)
Holding the future with our hands (We carry the weight of the world
we go)
It's up to you and I (We hold the key; we hold the answer)

All our thoughts of doubt and fear (We leave it all by one)
The more we live, the more we learn, the more we know.
For each of us the road is clear and life has just begun;
The more we give, the more we love, the more we grow.
It's time to ease the thoughts we set for ourselves;
The more we fear, the more we lie, the more we hide.
All we need is just to believe in ourselves;
We face the truth, we see it clear, with no disguise.

Cast away our doubt and sorrow (Turning away from the past we know)
The Universe and all can be (Showing the fate of the world we know)
Together you and I, we hold the key to all the answers (Let go)

YES

*thanks deer, i believe in you*

you make me want to be a better person
for myself, for others

*how long ago since i last felt that way? i've been alone too long. *

In memoriam

kau pergi dalam sendiri
ketika ku belum sempat
memahami makna kesendirianmu

*in memoriam Omi Intan Naomi. Her death reminds me of my own*

People come to your life for a reason

People come to your life for a reason

*just like you, maybe like a drop of rain from heaven to the dry land*

Layar terkembang

kemana setelah layar terkembang?
angin sepoi-sepoi yang menghanyutkan
cukup kuatkah membawa kita
ke pulau pasir putih di seberang?

ataukah harus ada badai menerjang
agar kapal kita lebih cepat
membawa kita
ke pulau impian?

*cakap kita malam-malam menembus dunia, letih kita menjelajah sisi sisi hidup yang tak terjangkau kadang oleh nalar, diam kita menatap langit malam berbulan sabit, kadang aku tersipu malu karena matamu menembus lebih tajam dari sinar bulan. cukupkah?*

Nalar vs hati

sobat, selarik kata darimu kadang berarti seluruh dunia untukku. kadang aku iri dengan kebijaksanaanmu, dengan ketenanganmu, dengan kenalaranmu menghadapi dunia yang cukup ruwet ini. kadang aku menyangsikan diriku, apakah benar itu yang kau bilang menghadapi dunia tidak selalu dengan nalar, tapi kadang mesti dengan hati? semua yang kau berikan untukku, meski hanya selarik, adalah nalar yang paling nalar. kadang aku juga bingung, kalau kau bilang aku sudah cukup nalar, mengapa hati ini sering bimbang dengan kenalaran itu? tak cukup aku bisa mengerti siapakah aku ini, manusia nalar setengah hati, atau manusia berhati yang kadang tak punya nalar?

kadang kurindukan kau disini, ingin aku mendapat lebih dari selarik kata darimu, agar hidupku lebih nalar, namun berhati.

*thanks for introducing me to a loving heart*

The song of death

Let the smile on my face linger
even on the day of my death,
when life no longer offers the cup of love
you once passed to me.

Let the sweet joy
remains in my bodily world,
even when death speaks of me
like that of an angel.

And when it comes,
let me surrender
to the life that haunts me
as if death is near

Jogja, 4 Nov. 06, revisiting my gloomy side

*welcome, darling. u will know my dark side much better, if you want to*