A lone journey to neverland

It's just a long journey of being without anyone, but none other only with myself.

Friday, July 29, 2005

Gadis Kecil (Little Girl)

Little girl
take me far
to your multi-faceted world

To the grey forest
where your longing for love
disappears into the mist of the rain

To the long winding road
where your dreams build on
as your little face
pressed to the windows

To the self-conscious love
that hides nothing
but its own deepest felt sensation

don’t stop, little girl
take me with you
to where you little red feet
are taking you

*a tribute to two woman (Dua Ibu)*

Monday, July 25, 2005

Cerita cinta

asap dan uap membumbung
mencekik rongga matamu
hingga makin mengecil
masih pun kau coba
mengepulkan rokok yang tinggal sejumput itu

aku jatuh cinta padanya,
katamu
hei, masih kau dengar aku,
tuntutmu
aku merasa tak bisa hidup tanpa dia,
lanjutmu
entah apa yang bisa kubikin kalau dia menolakku,
lenguhmu

lenguh dan tuntutanmu itu
sudah berkali-kali kudengar
dan juga jatuh cintamu itu
masih bolehkah aku
untuk tidak mempercayaimu?
sementara asap makin mengungkung
rongga matamu
dan rongga mataku

*aku pedih ingin tertawa, menertawakan duniamu, yang begitu indah dan mempesona, hingga asap kau kira sayap sayap dari surga*

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Why did I feel that you were as lonely as I was?

The room was decorated
in bright colours
radiated from the flowers in every corner
and the bright faces full of celebration

Why did I feel that amidst the colours
you were as pale as the moonlight
searching for the sun to embrace you
more tightly
and share more of its rays?

Why did I feel that you were
as lonely as I was?

*It was your birthday after all*

Saturday, July 23, 2005

Patches of ABC today

The world is not meant for anyone as beautiful as you – Gie

*too bad that I share only one third of your world*

Why do I feel that you're not into my world anymore?

*my dear, your world has submerged into mine and i care not to see if that matters to me at all, anymore. it's just me, after all*

Unferhofft kommt oft - that's the correct spelling

*where have you been, somehow i realize that my life has been spelled incorretly all this time*

Monday, July 18, 2005

He is to me

To me
he is a real fuss
always trying to grope
anything that shouldn’t be his business
at all

To me
he is too straightforward of a person
who yet gives you the true light
of your own-self
and his own-self

To me
he is like an open book
for anyone to read
for anyone to flip the pages
but yet
could be too expensive to buy

To me
he's like a big ear
who always listens
and yet
never misses a chance
to launch his most daring
comments of the day

To me
he is a passionate man
who will be a great companion
for anyone in their quest for
knowledge, true identity and faith

My friend,
to me you’re like a candle
burning at the other end of the dark channel
guiding me to reach you
and be your forever friend


Happy Anniversary my dearest friend!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

Kamu dan rumah kepompongmu

Pernah kau bilang:

"Meski menyakitkan, lama-lama aku semakin ingin masuk ke dalam rumah kepompongku, sendiri dan menarik diri dari segalanya, siapapun."

Lalu kau juga pernah bilang:
"Meski seperti masochist, mungkin aku bisa dengan sombong menyamakan diriku dengan Gie..."

Lalu kau masih saja bisa berujar:
".... atau Nash..."

Dan kau masih tak menyerah:
"atau.. Batman..."

tak perlu kau beri nama
kau dan rumah kepompongmu itu
nama itu tercetak biru di keningmu
dan ajaibnya, keningku

tak perlu nama untuk menyendiri
ia menamai dirinya sendiri

atau aku akan tertawa terbahak-bahak
karena kesendirian kita

*walaupun edan, kamu cukup berhasil menginspirasiku*

Thursday, July 14, 2005

Hujan Bulan Juni

Tak ada yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan juni
dirahasiakannya rintik rindunya
kepada pohon berbunga itu

tak ada yang lebih bijak
dari hujan bulan juni
dihapusnya jejak-jejak kakinya
yang ragu-ragu di jalan itu

tak ada yang lebih arif
dari hujan bulan juni
dibiarkannya yang tak terucapkan
diserap akar pohon bunga itu

-Sapardi Djoko Damono


dan adakah yang lebih tabah
dari hujan bulan Juli?
ia simpan kesejukannya
demi tanah kering terbelah
yang lama merindukannya
untuk merengkuhnya...

Tuesday, July 12, 2005

The world is solitary, short, nasty and brutish

"...man is a wolf to other men..."

"All society is either for Gain or for Glory..."
(Thomas Hobbes, 1588-1679)

hence the solitary, short, nasty and brutish world?

Wednesday, July 06, 2005

Ingatkah kau

Ingatkah kau
luka yang tertoreh bertahun tahun lalu
yang membuat hatimu menganga
hari-harimu murung penuh duka

Aku ingat luka itu
karena tak ada yang mau disisimu
termasuk aku

Aku ingat luka itu
karena hatiku pun kini luka menganga
hari-hariku murung penuh duka
dan tak ada yang mau disisiku
mungkin termasuk kamu

ketika semua pendar-pendar matamu
mulai menemukan asa
apa yang tersisa
selain hati yang siap
untuk kembali terluka
kali ini akankah kita saling bersama?

Tuesday, July 05, 2005

On Death, without Exaggeration

It can't take a joke
find a star, make a bridge.
It knows nothing about weaving, mining, farming,
building ships, or baking cakes.

In our planning for tomorrow,
it has the final word,
which is always beside the point.

It can't even get the things done
that are part of its trade:
dig a grave,
make a coffin,
clean up after itself.

Preoccupied with killing,
it does the job awkwardly,
without system or skill.
As though each of us were its first kill.

Oh, it has its triumphs,
but look at its countless defeats,
missed blows,
and repeat attempts!

Sometimes it isn't strong enough
to swat a fly from the air.
Many are the caterpillars
that have outcrawled it.

All those bulbs, pods,
tentacles, fins, tracheae,
nuptial plumage, and winter fur
show that it has fallen behind
with its halfhearted work.
Ill will won't help
and even our lending a hand with wars and coups d'etat
is so far not enough.

Hearts beat inside eggs.
Babies' skeletons grow.
Seeds, hard at work, sprout their first tiny pair of leaves
and sometimes even tall trees fall away.

Whoever claims that it's omnipotent
is himself living proof
that it's not.

There's no life
that couldn't be immortal
if only for a moment.

Death
always arrives by that very moment too late.

In vain it tugs at the knob
of the invisible door.
As far as you've come
can't be undone.

Wislawa Szymborska (1923- ),
Nobel Laureate for Literature 1996

****
like the rose petals falling from the buds
when the sun fails to send its radiance
it can't be undone
lest they fail to seek its beauty
among the thorns
How painful, such beauty
and such waste
without exaggeration

Saturday, July 02, 2005

The Prodigal 'Son"

The cool and soothing air
swept my face as a sweet welcome
for the prodigal 'son'

How is it then
that i felt
it was me they left behind
with the excruciating pain
of the overwhelming comfort?

Perhaps it was not sinful enough
to make it a prodigy
It was rather insanity
that would bring me back to this city
that would make me suffer
the overwhelming comfort
this time with dignity

coming back to this town is like
surrendering to all the failures
that i could not admit

Friday, July 01, 2005

The dark side of you

Every human being
has a dark side
and we almost always keep it locked up
in a box.
To let it out is either
like opening a Pandora box
or an enlightment of the other familiar self

Thanks to you my soul 'lone-journey' mate,
your reminders are also enlightenment
to guide my dark side out of the box